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Polar Zone/Fourteen
❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅❄❅ Did you break but never mend? Did it hurt so much you thought it was the end? — The Script, Flares ---- EVERLY THE HIDING SPOT is empty when we get there. I push aside the rock and usher everyone in one by one. Jett and Calder still look wary, but they don't protest at that moment. Lucifer and I are the last ones in. I scan the den with a perplexed frown on my face. "Where are Dawnlight and Riverfrost?" Lucifer glances around in a cursory way. "Dunno. Maybe they went out hunting." That doesn't sound right, but I don't have a better answer to my own question, so I don't say anything. I don't want to appear uneasy in front of the others, who are already turning to face me with questioning looks. "Why did we just run away from the mountain, Everly?" asks Sasha. Slowly, like she's trying to give me the benefit of the doubt on the off chance that I'm not crazy. I look at Lucifer, silently asking how much I can tell them. He shrugs noncommittally. So I use my own judgement. I tell them as much as I think it is safe to: that I helped Dawnlight and Riverfrost escape the Collection and Lucifer helped me, and that Greer is now after us. I skip the part about the asara, because I'm not sure how kindly the others would take to the idea that Lucifer can't be blamed for his own actions, that he was under the influence of a drug. I'm not even sure how I feel about that. How much of it was the drug, how much was the training, and how much was Lucifer himself? And what about what we'd just seen in the boreas lux? Honestly, the fact that Greer was speaking to a silver rock was the least confusing part of that scenario. I can't figure out what was going on. I've gathered this much: there's a prophecy that a wolf born to destroy cats will come upon the mountain, and that there will also be a cat, "the third son of the Thunder Line" who can save Thorn Mountain. But after that, I'm supremely baffled by who is who. Greer mentioned that the wolf was supposedly called Lucifer, but she renamed him DiAngelo. And she named someone else Lucifer. Slowly, pieces are falling into place. "You're the savior of Thorn Mountain," I blurt without preamble. Everyone looks at me like I'm crazy. Lucifer scowls at me. "Can we talk outside really quick? Alone," he adds, as Jett gets up. Jett gives him a dirty look and sits back down. "Call if you need anything," he tells me. "You can trust me." I give him a small smile and pull myself out of the den. Lucifer follows, careful to shift the slab of rock back over the opening--not to hide it, I know, but to make sure the others can't hear our conversation. "I am not the cat Greer was talking about," Lucifer says. "Yes, you are. Lucifer, isn't it obvious? You were supposed to be the cat that stopped the wolf--the wolf who was supposed to be called Lucifer. But Greer twisted everything, made you the devil and stepped in so that all the power would rest in her paws, not yours." "I'm not the devil," hisses Lucifer. "And I don't want any power in my paws anyway. Let Greer do what she wants." "You're not honestly saying that, after all we've seen her do." I take a deep breath. "And I'm not calling you the devil--you're the angel. The savior. It's got to be you who saves Thorn Mountain." "It has not got to be me. You're only obsessed with this prophecy thing because the wolves killed your family. This isn't about me--it's about you, your own selfish agenda." I fight back the urge to slap him. "So what if it is? Do you think I'm never selfish or something? I mean, you have something to gain from killing the wolf as well, don't you? You get to save your mountain and become a hero." "I don't want to be a hero," he says quietly. "Your family's dead, Everly, but at least you knew them. I never knew mine." "You've got to kill the wolf, Lucifer." He shakes his head. "They fear me more than DiAngelo. Don't you get it?" I stare at him. His wintery eyes are clouded with pain. "I am the wolf, Everly." I wake late at night. The burrow is quiet. Plover and Eider are asleep in a furry heap, nestled against Sasha's back. Calder and Farrah's paws are touching as they snore quietly in a corner. Jett is twitching in his sleep, restless, muttering indistinguishable words under his breath. Lucifer is missing. I get to my paws and frown, glancing up. A thin sliver of moonlight filters in through the narrow opening in the roof: someone has just gone through. I slide through the opening and hear voices just a few tail-lengths ahead. Crouching behind the slab of rock that covers the door to the burrow, I peek around the edge and see Lucifer and Riverfrost standing in the clearing. "You said you'd never come back," says Lucifer accusingly. "You told me to never come back. But something has changed. You've run away from the peak. Have you finally turned your back on Greer?" Lucifer shakes his head. "I think she's turned her back on me. But I can't be sure. Until I figure it out, I have to stay here." Riverfrost gives him a dry sort of smile. "I see. Make Everly and the others protect you until you're sure Greer will forgive you. Then return to her and leave them to die." "It's not like that," he protests. "Oh?" Riverfrost sneers. "So you've been completely honest with them, then? Done an about-face and completed your redemption arc? Told them how you killed Dawnlight, but you regret it?" I have to bite down on my tongue to stifle a gasp. Killed Dawnlight? Oh, Lucifer, ''please don't let it be true...'' But Lucifer doesn't deny it. "I do regret it. If I could change it..." "But you can't. You can never change any of what you've done, Lucifer. You can try to do the right thing in the future, and tell yourself that it justifies all you've done wrong. But you can never change the past. It will never stop haunting you." Lucifer's voice trembles as he says, "So what's the point of any of it?" "That's what I'm asking you, and you must answer. What is the point? Is it yourself? Is it Cecily? Thorn Mountain, the Triad, the lives of cats? Why are you alive?" "Why are you?" challenges Lucifer. "You've lost your Clan and your home. What do you have left? Do you have a family?" There is a long silence. I long to peek over my hiding spot and see the expression on Riverfrost's face, but I don't dare. All I can think about is the fact that Lucifer killed Dawnlight. It's all my fault. I'm the one who trusted enough to show him this hiding spot. I let him discover my plan to help Riverfrost and Dawnlight escape. Why hasn't he killed Riverfrost yet? Why only Dawnlight? Something cold runs through my blood. Why hasn't he killed me yet? Is Riverfrost right--is he using me? "Lucifer, I have made so many mistakes that I honestly can't begin to tell you of them. I fell in love with a she-cat who was smarter than me, more powerful than me, better than me in any way. I tried to keep her for myself, and in the process I destroyed every shred of good we might have brought into the world as a family." "Are you--are you Cecily's father?" "I... I never had a daughter. I had a son. Lucifer, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out like this--I didn't intend for you to find out at all. But I have to tell you: you're not alone. I'm your father, and I'm alive, and you're the only reason for it." When Lucifer speaks, my heart twists at the confusion and fear in his voice. Stop that, I mentally scream at myself. He's a killer! "I don't understand. You're my father? Why would Greer let you live?" "Oh, I don't think she intended to for very long. See, I've made many deals with Greer--too many deals with the devil. First, when you were born, your mother and I promised her that we would leave the mountain with you and never return, if she only let you live. Your mother didn't agree; she knew we were taking away Thorn Mountain's chance of survival, leaving them to their fates. Anyway, Greer changed her mind and hunted us down. Your mother made me take you and run, and she fended off Greer. Or tried to." The ''boreas lux. The small white kit, crouching over his mother's blood-drenched body.'' "After your mother died, Greer took you. By the time I found you again, she'd already begun your training and giving you asara. She warned me that if I tried to rip you away, she would destroy all the asara on the mountain, and you would die." "Die?" echoes Lucifer. "But I--I've stopped taking ascara now, and I'm fine." "Are you fine?" My heart slams in my chest, and I wish more than ever that I could see their faces. Is Lucifer okay? I hadn't even thought about the effects cutting off the drug would have on him. "So I agreed. I let her have you, as long as she kept you alive. It was the only way to save you--but I was running from what your mother wanted. She wanted you to embrace your destiny, Lucifer. She wanted you to be the hero you were meant to be. I was selfish beyond belief. All I wanted was my son to stay alive; I didn't care how important it was that you kill the wolf, DiAngelo. I was--" "A coward," spits Lucifer spitefully. "Worse. I didn't run from my own destiny, I ran from yours. And your mother paid the price." I hear Lucifer move to walk away. "Lucifer," says Riverfrost. "Her name was Flowerfrost. She would be so proud of you for being brave enough to stop taking ascara--" "Stop talking about her," Lucifer growls. "--but she wouldn't want you to throw your life away. You need that drug, son." "Don't you dare call me that! You forfeited all rights to being my father when you sold me to Greer." "I gave you to her to save your life. I wouldn't expect you to understand. Love isn't something you've ever felt, is it?" Even though Riverfrost has a reason for saying that, I feel like it's something unforgivable. I think of Lucifer as a kit, crying brokenheartedly over Flowerfrost's torn body. Probably the only time Lucifer has ever known love, and it was followed directly by loss. "Just... think about what you want to live for, Lucifer. Maybe you can be braver than me." Riverfrost sounds pained. "I know I don't have a right to your life, or anything that you do. I'm sorry it has to be this way." I don't know how long I stay crouched behind the slab of rock. My legs go numb and stiff, my paws nearly frozen to the ground. I hear a soft, strangled sob. Disbelievingly, I raise my head and see that Riverfrost has gone: Lucifer is alone in the clearing, and there are tears running down his face. Noiselessly, I leap over the rock and approach him. His eyes widen in horror when he sees me. "How much did you hear?" "Everything," I whisper. "Everly, I'm so sorry." I don't say anything; I can't. "I'm going to die," he says. "And you know what? I'm kind of glad. It'll be a relief. For everyone else." "You're not going to die. We can find the asara." "Who's 'we'? Everly, I'm too weak to climb up the mountain, let alone deal with Greer and the fight she'll put up. And if you think the others are going to help you save my life, you're crazy." "They'll help. I'll make them help. And if they won't, I'll go alone. Maybe Ruta and Miko will help me sneak past Greer." He shakes his head incredulously. "I don't think you heard the entirety of Riverfrost and I's conversation after all." "You killed Dawnlight. I know." He flinches. "I don't know what happened. Or, yes I do: Greer drugged me. But it was my mind that directed me to this hiding spot, betraying you and Dawnlight and Riverfrost. That part was me. What if you do manage to evade Greer and steal some ascara? I'll go back to being an emotionless zombie. And if Greer recaptures us, she'll be able to use me again--and she'll show absolutely no mercy now. I'm scared, Everly. Scared of what she'll make me do if she gets her claws on me this time, because this time there's no turning back." "She's not going to get you this time. I'm the only one going up the mountain, and I'll come back with the ascara. We won't let Greer near you." Hopelessness fades into dread in his eyes. "I can't let you go alone. What if she does something to you?" "Lucifer, you look like you're about to pass out. For once in your life, you're not the strongest one. Have a little faith in me." "I... you... not..." Lucifer shakes his head and falls silent. "You don't need to be scared of yourself," I say quietly. "That's no way to live." "Oh, stars. Everly, of course I do. Everyone needs to be scared of me." He looks intently into my eyes. I read his expression perfectly: a warning. As deliberately as possible, I step towards him and press my shoulder to his. I can feel him shaking. His eyes are fever-bright. I feel a tide of hatred for Thorn Mountain well inside me. How can a place be so broken? We are all broken, every single cursed cat in this frigidly cold world. Fracturing our hearts, our consciences, our moralities, in order to survive. Here I am, trying my best to comfort a cat who killed Dawnlight, the cat I tried so hard to save. There's no fixing some things, no matter how hard you try. "You should get back inside and rest." "Are you leaving now?" "Yeah. The sooner, the better." "No," he says vehemently. "Just... wait one more day, okay? You can go tomorrow night." "Lucifer, you're falling apart. You need the ''ascara ''now--" "That's not all I need!" he bursts out, then snaps his mouth shut. He stares up at the sky and lets out a long breath. "Please. Come back inside with me and get some sleep. We'll tell the others and talk it over in the morning." I can instantly tell what he's hoping: that the others will refuse point-blank to risk their lives for him, and my expedition will be foiled. But I'm not about to let that happen. "Tomorrow night. I'm going. No matter what." He nods in a resigned fashion, and we head back into the den. Lucifer hesitates for a second, throwing half a glance at me with a questioning look in his blue eyes. Then, with an almost bitter face, he pulls away from me and curls up in the far corner. Exhaustion overwhelms even my worry, and I curl up beside Jett and fall asleep quickly. Category:Polar Zone